Happy Mother's Day!

Personally, I think that being a mom is a unique experience. There are no greys. It allows me to be a hero every day, so I try to use my layer the best I can. So, I've become a perfectionist. Every mistake I make means guilty torture and it travels all around my body in between my veins, my bones, my muscles; it weak me but it get me stronger at the same time, it demoralizes me but it get me optimism.

I have no peace inside anymore. I only find peace and quiet in every hug I give her, which allow me to wander into this tiny life smell she has impregnated to her neck, that smell that is a vice impossible to overcome, a smell that has been registered in the deepest zone of my nostrils. A tiny smell I need every second, invariably.

Before her, my head never stopped torturing me, talking to me in the middle of the night, remembering me every open questions. Since her, it has become intolerant to my need to rest. It speaks to me louder every day, it reminds me the things I haven't done yet, the things left over, the things that I could perfectly avoid. But the worst thing ever is that my head reminds me especially the things that I can't avoid at all. My deepest fears come to me as big knives every night, dig into my chest, they dress up like nightmares just to cut my breath every once in a while or they just appear in a stealthy way while I need to go to pee, something I've never needed to do before in those times while I was entirely mine and no one else's.

Even though, being a mom is my biggest achievement, the most exciting challenge, the most complete achievement. Motherhood has molded my body in unthinkable ways. It has turned me in my best version, and sometimes in my worst fault. But, who cares...is really nice when that bittersweet sensation dissolves into a smile, into an infant hug, into a tiny sincere and spontaneous "I love you", full of innocence and love.

There's nothing more hard. There's nothing more difficult. There's nothing more challenging. And there's nothing more lovely than being your MOM.